i know

i am overreacting to little shit.
but i've decided, there's no need to be attached to you anymore.
as of tonight, i will detach myself from you and hopefully we will be friends
if not it will kill me, but i can't live with this anymore.

today my grandmother died, 8 years ago.
that was the hardest thing for me ever.
its funny how two of the hardest things happen on the same day.
i love how i'm crying throughout this blog. i'm a strong person can't you tell?
hah, barely. i'm weak and insignificant to everyone.

the only person i care for right now is melissa.
she's the only one making me smile.
i know she probably hates hearing all my dramatic shit and what not, but it feels good knowing i can have someone to cheer me up. today was good but tonight turned to shit. my mom thinks i smoke.
i have been crying for almost an hour now. awesome way to end the day right?
i mean it's not like you give a fuck. who would give a fuck? i'm just nothing here.
i put on an act everyday to make sure people don't question me. i don't like being questioned.
i don't like being vulnerable. i put myself in that vulnerable spot and now you won't talk to me. i refuse. i FUCKING refuse to ever be vulnerable again. that is why i never used to do it because this has happened before. almost the exact same situation. but not. you were much kinder, you played the caring act all too well, you also played the "I am here for you, I swear" act. i give you props. your acting is better than anyone i've met so far. i know i sound hostile, but i am. i am reaking of hostility. i want to leave nashville. i want to leave tennessee. i want to forget everything. i want to no longer be me.

the fucking end.