i am

me.
i am nicole annette neeraas. sixteen years old.
clingy. overanalytical. obnoxious.
i don’t understand why the hell i get attached to people. i rarely do, but when i do it’s a vicious neverending cycle of me constantly putting myself out there to get them to shed some light. to get them to explain to me what’s on their mind. i want to dig their minds. find something out about me i never knew just by looking through their eyes. i want to show myself i can be something. i want to prove to myself i am better than i think. i want to show everyone i am stronger than i really i am. i don’t want to fail them. i don’t want to fail him. i don’t want to fail you. i want you to be there for me forever and eternity. i want to forever be in your thoughts. i want to be engraved on your heart. i wish i could be there for all of you. for every second of your troubles. i wish i could tell you how i truly felt. how i truly think. i wish i could explain to you my thoughts. i wish you would understand. i am a creep. i am a fucking creep. i will never leave your side. i will turn you against everything you stand for just so i can speak to you. i will make you hate everyone. i will make you hate me. i am no good. i am horrible. i could be the best you’ve ever known. i could be the best change. i could be a blessing in disguise. i could be your worst nightmare. your biggest fear. your greatest worry. if only you knew. if only all of you knew. if only you all would understand i don’t care about you and what you say. if only you all would understand i DO care about you and what you say. i hate people. i love people. all in all i love you. i love you. i love you. you i love. i could say it forever. if i could say it in every language known to man, i would. if i could say it every second of my life i would. however, i fear if i say it too much it will become nothing but three words. useless to me. useless to you. i don’t understand. i cannot be any good. i am finished.

i'm not sorry for not posting.